Today

With Micah in his carrier, I walked into the classroom with wide eyes. To my left was the scene of a care giver changing a diaper on a tall counter top. To my right were two toddlers sitting in high chairs covered from hair line to chin in spaghetti. Straight ahead...and, well, close to the ground... were three more little ones crawling and wobbling about on the floor. It was the scene of Micah's daycare classroom that he will be in next Monday and everyday after that b/c I'll be headed back to work.

The owner of the daycare encouraged me to go and check things out in Micah's new classroom while she finished up his paperwork. We sat in the floor and mingled with the other little ones for a while. Micah was a bit drowsy from waking to a bit of commotion all around him. He looked at all of the toys and stared at the other children. If only I could interpret what was going on in his little head. (Well, honestly, he was probably thinking about his next meal time) I feel like I'm doing the right thing by putting him in daycare, but I can't help feeling overwhelmingly guilty for leaving him. As all of these thoughts rushed through my head while I was sitting on the big blue rug surrounded by little ones, my eyes filled with tears. I did my best to hold them back.

We finished up our visit and made our way home. As soon as we made our way in the door and comfortably settled on the couch, I cried. Out loud. A lot. I held Micah and cried. Ten minutes went by and Micah looked at me and smiled. I wanted to cry more but I knew that I need to cherish the time I have left with him. I didn't need to waste any more time crying when I could be enjoying his embrace. We played the rest of the afternoon. Micah giggled for the first time today. It was a great feeling to hear him laugh out loud over and over.